


the first day barry knew

by arthureverest



Category: Barry (TV 2018)
Genre: Gen, IRL Homophobia Mentioned, M/M, Other, Untagged, except for this:, yell at me for this. idk.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-11-02 10:35:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20716640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arthureverest/pseuds/arthureverest
Summary: not gonna say much abt this just read it maybe,!!!





	the first day barry knew

"Hang on, what did she say that upset you so much?" Hank asked, concerned. 

"She said, uh. She said that she'll never be with a violent man again." 

"This bother you because you are violent?"

"I mean yeah. I'm lying to her. She thinks I'm the perfect man who accepts her for who she is, but she wouldn't, she couldn't ever accept me for what I am."

"And what is it that you are?"

"I don't know. I barely know what I want to be, but I know that I want to make moves to get there." 

"Barry, I think this is about more than being actor. I see in you these words you do not know. I think you could do good to hear story from me of growing up in Chechnya."

"I don't know, Hank…" Barry said but Hank had already started.

"In Chechnya, it is big crime to be gay."

Barry didn't know what this had to do with his situation, but he figured Hank didn't need to be interrupted this time. 

"In what Americans call the Junior High, I was chasing my own junior high, the exhilarating feeling of being near boy next door name of Lev. He was genius reader, big sweetie pie, he paid attention to me like you do. I loved him dearly."

"What happened?" Barry asked, politely taking interest in the story. 

"Family take him out!" Hank said as if he was repeating a silly thing a child had said.

Silence rested a moment too long.

"And not the way I wanted to take him out. But it's ok. In the past now."

"Oh my god, Hank…" Barry said, barely processing what he was being told. Hank was just a kid… 

"Wait, what does that have to do with me?"

Hank giggled a little, soft. "It is maybe not my place to tell you, I do not think." 

"What do you mean saying, shit, what did you say? 'He paid attention to me like—'" 

"Like you do." Hank said, putting a hand delicately on Barry's arm.

Barry turned to look at Hank's tattooed hand. He stared for a few moments too long, tears beginning in his eyes. He felt like he almost understood, almost, but did not want to, if this is what it means. He had pushed this away for so long, he could barely handle it. He took Hank's extension of solidarity in his feelings, confused at first, but settling. 

"God, it's always been there, hasn't it." Barry said, barely aware he was speaking out loud.

"It's always been there, gnawing, and I didn't know what it was. Catching glimpses once in a while but never getting the full picture. It's weighs on you to lie to others, it weighs harder to lie to yourself. I wouldn't deign to say I've got the full picture now, but I'm closer."

"I'm closer than ever before." he said consciously, and once done with his statement he took up Hank's hand that had since moved away, and kissed it sweetly. "Thank you." 

"This is big journey! I'm happy for you and here every step of way." Hank hugged him, then apologized. 

"I'm sorry, I know you are not hugging guy, I got caught up in the moment, you know?" 

Barry shushed him. And Barry kissed him. 

They broke away and Hank saw a sparkle in Barry's oft-sad eyes. 

"Happy?" Barry asked, teasing.

Hank scoffed and cracked a grin. "We've got stuff to talk about, but we have got the time, right?" 

"Right."

They kissed again, steady but unsure.

And that was the first day Barry knew he wasn't a man.

**Author's Note:**

> plot twist I'm projecting again.
> 
> find me on twiter at lgbtwerewolves, send me your best carrigan pics


End file.
